HOW TO BLOOM WHERE YOU’RE PLANTED 

This Wasn't The Plan

I did not set out to move myself or my family as much as we have. Yet somehow each move has felt like the right decision at the time. During our discussions, we could always identify how the move would support each of us to grow. As my wife and I were wrestling with this most recent move, I really tried to approach this one through a lense of grief and loss as an integral part of celebration and newness. I hoped to encourage us to welcome the uncertainty and nervousness and gently move it towards excitement and expansion with as much generosity and patience as we could muster. Overall, we did a pretty good job and are each now finding how and where are feet most solidly touch the ground.

It wasn't easy. It was worth it. 

I watched each of us respond to the stress of the uncertainty inherent in moving somewhere new. I witnessed each of us strain under the transition of uprooting belongings, relationships and routines and tolerating the frustration of having to pay attention more intensely because patterns are new and don't have well-worn grooves yet. When at times those experiences could be overwhelming, I watched the doubt creep in and the desire to retreat to the familiar. I watched the anxiety be expressed in self-judgement. I watched each of us uniquely become more suseptible to people pleasing behavior.

Home is Where WE Are

Serendipitously I came across IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson Podcast with the guests of Abby Wambach and Glennon Doyle. Their discussion centered around responding to a mom who was questioning a move for her family. I had no idea what I was in store for. By the end I felt like a little angel had dropped this in my podcast library somehow knowing this is what I needed to hear.

Learning to Welcome Uncertainty

I felt empathy with the expanding and shifting definition of home. I was reminded that there are numerous different paths to the same destination and we each pack our bags differently. I was able to calm my anxiety while the uncertainty remained enough to begin to welcome it as a new chapter in the journey of our lives.

Bloom Where You're Planted

Of course, another unexpected bump emerged in the road that cracked open that door of doubt. Once again, a gift was delivered in a surprise package. I did not expect to receive such profound inspiration from an ESPN limited series The Kingdom about the Kansas City Chiefs. The second episode focusses on their Head Coach, Andy Reid. His mottos "Don't Judge" and "Bloom where you're planted,” and his story that explores their development, has remained in my foreground ever since. It's so simple and can also be so difficult. On the second day of us landing in our new home, my wife came back from her run with a photo of the mural featured in this blog.

Once again, I was reminded that we are not alone in this effort to do the very best we can, a concept I was introduced to by Brené Brown. I love how accepting and forgiving ourselves or others can release some of the hold of the anger that often drives us and replace that with responsibility and choice. While unpacking, I came across our family motto box. It needed a new location. The message remains the same. There are no mistakes, only lessons learned. Each therapist at SteadyNYC wants to support their clients to bloom and compassionately continue to learn. Contact Us if we can support you.